End

Sakitnya melepaskan, jauh lagi sakit menaruh harapan.

Let's just put it aside. I'll be 19 this new year, there's just so much to do rather than worrying. Let me bold worrying. Aku ni asyik kisahkan dia like a mother. The fuck. Pergilah kau jauh daripada hidup aku you selfish, egoistic young man. 

Because why

Kita tak sehaluan
Kau tak sehaluan dengan aku
You promised to never leave me but you left
You left me without realizing it
I want us to get married early tapi kau masih main-main dengan hidup kau
Masih di takuk lama, tak berganjak walau sedikit
Aku muak pasang impian, pasang cita-cita
Bila aku seorang yang beria-ia

Salah akukah yang terlebih dewasa?
Atau kau yang tak sungguh-sungguh cinta?

Bagaimana tidak aku kecewa
Bila kau belum mempamer diri pada orang tua?
Kalau mati aku pada ketika ini
Akankan kau tunjukkan diri?
Atau kalau aku ditimpa kecelakaan
Akankah kau datang perbetulkan ingatan?

Terlalu tidak sabarkah aku?
Atau kau yang tak mahu?

Feel your death

Alhamdulillah,
For the chances He grant us.
Allahurobbi,
Dialah yang paling mengerti.
Sujudlah, talk to Him, ask from Him.
For He is the only one that won't let us down.

Untuk berubah atau berhijrah itu, I believe one ought to feel demise coming in his way. Feel it - not merely knowing it.

Sedari kecil I was taught Tauhid, I learned Tajwid, and so much more, until I succeeded. It is sad that I was only knowing things - I didn't feel them. Silap si pendidikkah, atau aku yang tidak berfikir kerana terlalu muda ketika itu?

Hijrah

Pernah aku merasa jauh sekali daripada Tuhan.
Sujud aku seolah-olah tidak dipandang-Nya.
Solat aku terasa tak menjadi terapi jiwa.
Barang kali Allah telah membuang aku kerana menjadi orang yang fasik. Nauzubillah.

Sungguh aku benci sekali pada refleksi diri yang terlihat pada cermin.
Wajah aku ini wajah yang sarat dengan dosa.

Semoga Hijrah ini,
Lebih banyak amalan dan kesedaran,
Segala dosa lepas dihapuskan,
Semoga Allah mengangkat diri ini menjadi wanita solehah.

Fitrah manusia itu
mencari identiti diri. Mendambakan kedamaian hati. Menginginkan eternity.

Kita yang Muslim ini sangat mengerti -
kepada Allah kita kembali. Hanya rahmah-Nya melindungi diri.

Kita mengerti,
dunia tidak akan lama lagi. Kita sudah sewajarnya sewajibnya mempersiap diri untuk hari pembalasan yang dijanji.

I just wanna live my life, my life after death.
Di mana tidak ada sesuatu pun di dunia ini yang mampu tandingi.
I'm sick, sick of perfecting diri. Eternity belum milik aku lagi.

Ya Rabb, berikan aku rahmahmu Berikan aku jannahmu

My name is Khan is such a beaut

My heart beats for you; my soul craves for your presence.

Probably not, for this very moment. Please don't put the blame on me because I wasn't the one who started it.

Distasteful reality

I feel so grown up all in a sudden. All these agony are distressing; I miss those moments when my heart is untouched, when I didn't really let anyone in. 

Ditch the junks and pass me real food!

Not only my taste buds want real food, my body simply couldn’t work with fake food and drinks. I could stuff my stomach with all these cookies and still feeling hungry all the time like I had not fed on anything.

The amount doesn’t matter, the heart counts.

Don’t be proud of the huge RM you spent on those orphans, because it’s your sincerity that puts you in His list.

Don’t push yourself too much, bersederhanalah dalam sebarang bentuk ibadah, because all He wants is your deepest sincerity that doesn’t discontinue.

Drinking pure carrot milk juice, enjoying the calm wind blowing.


I solemnly wish to have the chance to visit Madina and Mecca with my parents. It is my desire to pay for the trip for I know it is the best I can do for them.


A bitch stole my favourite Uniqlo jeans and I have no clue to track her down. Wish her dead.


I am going to shop for decent clothing this Ramadhan. No more skinny jeans, just long skirts and huge pants.

Aku hanya mampu berdoa agar Tuhan sentiasa menjaga dirinya.

Aku mohon undurkan diri

Dari segala yang kita lalui

Sebab rasa hati telah mati

Mulai detik ini

Segalanya akan aku lewati sendiri

Ketahuilah sayang

Aku kehilangan tawamu

Yang selalu menghiburkan aku

Namun mungkin lebih baik begitu

Sebab aku tak mampu untuk seperti selalu

Surat cinta kita

Nami,

Semoga you'll continue to love me and never quit doing so. I want to be your sayang forever.

Leen.

Cuba rasakan hadir-Nya, maka kau akan mengerti bahagia.

Lihat itu wahai teman. Lihat dia. Tatkala yang lainnya asyik mengejar kebebasan dan keseronokan, dia memilih untuk mendekati penciptanya.

Mari tanyakan pada diri sendiri,

Sejauh mana kita dapat mengecap kebahagian melalui kebebasan dan keseronokan yang dicanang oleh mereka yang mengingkari Tuhan itu?


Mampukah kita lalui siksa kubur dan azab neraka seperti mereka kelak?

Tidak. Tentu tidak.

Back to this girl. 4 flat untuk Diploma, manis memelihara auratnya, bersahaja dan telus dalam ucapannya. Aku suka cara dia.

Sesal Mendua

Title has nothing to do with this post. I went to UiTM today for an interview on Komunikasi dan Media study. Had to write an essay of 200 words explaining what I know about Mass Comm, why I choose to study it and what can I contribute. Simple as I've wrote the same one few days ago. Then I waited for longgg before it was my turn for the interview. Questions asked were all general and I made a mistake by calling the MB Tan Sri padahal beliau hanyalah Dato'. Aisehmen mana lah I pernah peduli dgn gelaran beliau. They asked me if I know our deputy PM's wife too. Sorry sir I'm not sure. They also asked whether I agree with the Oppositions wanting to abolish PTPTN. Nah itulah pengalamannya. It feels a little wrong to do this I admit, as everyone's saying that a Diploma is for those who didn't score well in their exams while my result is pretty good. Idk. I just wanna do this now and get a Degree on different field of study, aku tertarik sangat dengan module English Literature dekat UM :)

Pardon me

Gila. Menangis aku dibuatnya. Two nightmares in two nights, atau lebih precise two sleeps. Ye, padan muka kau. Tidur lagi lepas subuh. Tapi mimpi-mimpi tu benar-benar menakutkan, aku anggap mereka sebagai peringatan dari Tuhan. Minta peliharakan aku dari kedua-dua mimpi ngeri tersebut Ya Allah.

Iman mutiara

Iman tak dapat diwarisi dari seorang ayah yang bertakwa
Ia tak dapat dijual beli ia tiada di tepian pantai
Walau apa pun caranya jua
Engkau mendaki gunung yang tinggi
Engkau merentas lautan api
Namun tak dapat jua dimiliki
Jika tidak kembali kepada Allah


Bait-bait lagu ini tiba-tiba bermain di minda aku pagi ini.


Alhamdulillah, my result was okay, just as I've expected. I regret a little, for I know I could have done better, scored better, straight A's macam past big exams namun tak mungkinlah aku layak untuk itu sekali lagi sebab aku terlalu lalai kepada Allah.

It's time, biar berpisah asal hati tak berubah

Met my relatives. Everybody changes from  time to time, I see that my little boys are all grown up now, it just gets more exciting to talk to them now. Hoho I don't feel old at all, you see I'm pretty close to them so I feel uber good as I've been waiting for quite long to see them grow up.

Growing up with my darling is just a bliss, now I can't imagine how it'd be like to part from him in a few months to come. People say this is the time, it's time to find out if Nami and I are really meant for each other.

5 punches

One, for the hateful look that you wore on your face towards me.

One, for the cusses you shouted at me.

One, for those days when you left me on the road alone.

One, for those nights when you wasted my tears.

And one, for this love I couldn't erase.

I watch

# He is such an attractive guy, well that's what I think. Looking nerdy and sweet behind his glasses. His face expression is cute, haih anak cina from Penang ni.

# Caucasians wave their hand and say thank you upon leaving my cafe, they are simply so warm. I feel appreciated.